Melbourne, Australia - (Shagging Awful Mess): The Ruling Council of the World Tennis Match-Throwing Association is holding an official enquiry amid reports that blonde Russian women's tennis ace and Australian Women's Open champion Maria Sharapova "may have been induced to shag the living daylights out of Roger Federer" on the eve of his Australian Men's Open semi-finals against Crow-Asian star Novak Djokovic.
The Swiss grand-slamming superhero famously lost three sets to nil on Friday evening propelling Djokovic into the Men's Finals which he won 4-6 6-4 6-3 7-6 (7-2) against Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.
The Match-Throwing Association is notorious for enforcing its no-sex-with-spouses-prematch rule among players having taken the view that in what is arguably still a gentlemen's game no player would flagrantly flout the bylaws by sleeping with some peroxide slag in skimpy undies and nipple-squeezing sports brassiere.
But this time its Ruling Council may have well-founded suspicions after outraged gamblers from the internet spread-betting index Aintgottaprayer.con demanded their semi-finals wagers back following rumors that Sharapova had been paid five million euros to stalk and shag the Swiss champion.
"Last year in the US Open we investigated a raft of similar complaints," a Ruling Council source confided today, "mostly from one of the Williams sisters who said a strange dream overcame her before an important quarter-final match, where a peroxide Russian lesbian succubus pleasured her incessantly for three whole hours just before the all-important match against Martina Hingis.
"This weekend Roger Federer's coach said the Swiss champ was found 'white as a sheet' and with his testicles completely retracted inside his body after a weird 'lucid wet dream' about Maria Sharapova in a Icelandic Ice Hotel watersports facility," the source added.
"His performance in the semis the next day speaks volumes. And Sharapova looks like the cat that got the cream."
Andy Roddick is saying nothing from his hideaway in Nebraska.