Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 25 January 2008

image for Manchester United Owner To Make Bid For Liverpool
Come an' get yer Anfield bricks!

Malcolm Glazer, the billionaire owner of Manchester United, has indicated that he is ready to make a surprise bid for Premiership also-rans Liverpool, and expects to do so by next Tuesday.

Glazer, who suffered a stroke shortly after taking over at Old Trafford when he tried to hold a conversation with United manager Alex Ferguson, has said that he will be offering in the region of £370million, but that he will not be investing in a new stadium for the Anfield club.

Instead, he says he intends to break up the team and dissolve Liverpool FC, thus removing the challenge from one of United's fiercest rivals.

The news was greeted with disbelief on Merseyside, where football is a religion, and where working for a living is considered madness.

Liverpool fans took to the streets in protest, and several cars were 'up on bricks' having had their wheels stolen. Police reported a higher than normal incidence of shoplifting in the town centre, and dole offices and betting shops in the city were crammed to capacity.

It's known that current owners of Liverpool, Tom Hicks and George Gillett, are eager to offload, what they consider to be, a bad investment, and selling to a fellow American could prove to be an easy solution, particularly if Glazer agrees to throw in a few tickets to see the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and some hospitality.

Mr Glazer has said he would then flatten the Anfield site, and future plans for it could include an ice rink, a roller disco or a new Aldi.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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