Written by Bill Skywalker
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Tuesday, 22 January 2008

image for Alonso hit me with a sex toy: Hamilton speaks out for first time

Lewis Hamilton has spoken for the first time in depth about his troubled relationship with former team mate and crooner Fernando Alonso. In the interview he revealed shocking revelations regarding his hostility to the 'sore losing w*nker.

When commenting on a rumour that both were 'really good mates' who played the PS2 together Lewis revealed a different story.

'I would often ask Fernando to play a two player with me. After much time thinking he'd say yes and we would both start playing Grand Theft Auto co operative together. Well it was meant to be co-operative until he picked up a rubber dildo and started bashing my character to death. I said 'you can't do that!' and he would just give me a sinister smile. Bastard. He also threatned to sh*t on Ron Dennis's bed if he wasn't given no.1 status in the team. I mean what a facist d*ck!'

Asked how he'd think his former team mate would get on in 2008 Lewis responded 'It doesn't matter how he'll get on, he'll still be a two faced cock to me and Britain. Without him in the team McLaren will be a better place. Briatore (Alonso's new team manager and former as well) can ass lick once more with that queer back there.'

The interview comes somewhat as a surprise given the Brit's usual cool, nice mannered approach in interviews.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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