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Thursday, 17 January 2008

image for Keegan Signs Bruce Forsyth in an All Star Line Up
Sad northerners just don't know what good entertainment is

Kevin Keegan's appointment as Newcastle United's manager captured Geordie imaginations and took the entertainment world by storm. The once familiar refrain of "Nice to see you see you nice" rang out again at St James' Park as Keegan's first signing, Bruce Forsyth was unveiled.

"We're certainly going to see some entertainment roond here," said lifelong Toon fan, Alan Shearer (75).

After Newcastle's 4-1 drubbing of mighty Stoke City, the club's dapper new manager entered the dressing room to address his players wearing a top hat, tap shoes and wielding a cane.

"Give me the moonlight and I'll give you the stars. Take it away, Sam. One more time."

The Newcastle goalkeeper Shay Given said Keegan's comeback was "a dream come true".

"You dream the impossible dream. But until it was announced today I thought it was just somewhere over the rainbow. Everyone remembers the entertainment under Kevin Keegan. There were stars, glitter, bright lights, the music. Oh it's all too much."

After leaving his Real Sociedad job, Andrew Lloyd Webber has been asked to assist Keegan with some new routines, a dazzling outfit of sequins and tinsel and bright lights and something to cheer up those hard-working Geordies and give them some warmth in their sad little lives. Indeed, it is all too patronising.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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