Kevin Keegan was sensationally sacked as NUFC Manager tonight for farting in the foyer of St James's Park.
Owner Rick Astley said "It was disrespectful to the memory of Alan Sugar, Johnie Mildew and Michael McDonald to produce such a fucking stink. I told Mr Keegan that Newcastle fans are probably the best in the world. We had eighty two thousand here to watch the first team prepare a Chicken dinner last week. I mean they weren't too happy with the sauce and there was loads of boos, but hey, they have high expectations! He needs to get his arse sorted out."
Keegan was unavailable for comment but his spokesperson said, "Obviously Kevin is disappointed. There's been things going around here and he thinks he just has picked something up. Either that or it was the Vindaloo he had last night."
Fans were seen arguing about which nightclub to go to. Asked to comment, a fan remarked, "Aye why, is bag t'drawin room as the say!"