Written by Cobden Stewart
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Monday, 14 January 2008

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Newcastle fans await news of the new Toon Manager

The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams is the latest name in the hat for the vacant managerial position at Newcastle.

Williams has not ruled himself out of the running for the position that has the whole of a four and a half square mile area around Tyneside holding their breath.

"Of course, it's always nice to be linked with one of the top jobs in English football. Newcastle is an absolutely huge club, even bigger than the entire population of somewhere like Taiwan, or Malaysia. Their fans are the best in the world. I have long ago forgiven them for smashing up their own city when they lost 2-1 to Sunderland a couple of years ago; and for invading the pitch and stopping the cup tie against Notts Forest that time at St James's years ago when they were losing.. yes, the very best in the world. How much are they offering you say? "

Rowan Williams is rumoured to be in the north east engaged in talks with Newcastle owner Rick Astley. Rick intends to leave no stone unturned in his bid to bring the best to the toon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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