Written by The Hack
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Friday, 11 January 2008

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A Newcastle Transfer Target

NEWCASTLE will offer Harry Redknapp £20million to be their new boss till he is sacked at the end of the season.

Billionaire and recently Professional Geordie Mike CASHley is determined to land the Portsmouth chief and will hand him a four Month deal worth £5m a year after he is sacked for not delivering, The Premiership, Carling Cup and World Peace That's a staggering FIVE GAZZILLION TIMES what he is earning now at Fratton Park.

CASHley will also:

  • Allow Redknapp to commute to work by plane allowing him to do a 6 till 2 shift at NOOCASTLE, then fly home to do his real job as a football manager at PORTSMOUTH.
  • Hand him a transfer war chest to squander on rubbish players in the usual Geordie way.
  • Pay Pompey £3m compensation for the inconvenience.

Redknapp, 60, has told close pals "I'm larfin me farkin tits off n carnt believe the farkin PayDay they're farkin frowin me".

But the deal is far from done. Brother-in-law Frank Lampard Snr said: "I know Arry really wants a Monkey Butler on Roller Skates! like in the tea adverts, i dont think that Rich Fat Geordie Bastard can give him that".

"He likes taking his dogs for a walk along the coast. Without toothless Barcodes trying to do em up the rizzer, like they do to the two legged hounds on a Saturday night in The Big Market".

Redknapp would want CASHley to organise a private jet on a day to day basis, with topless trolley dollies.

Yet Redknapp's reluctance to move to Tyneside would not go down well with the Toon Army, as they consider any outsiders and non adopted Geordies as Fukin coat wearing Poofs.

Watch this space for more news as it comes

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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