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Thursday, 3 January 2008

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Disgraced track star Marion Jones has been offered two choices for her punishment on perjury charges perpetrated early last year. She must either spend six months in a low security prison or have both of her legs sawn off.

Jones, whose tearful confession made world headlines this year, admits she's undecided about the punishments as "both have pros and cons".

"Like any rational person the last thing I want to do is go to jail whilst although having my legs sawn off sounds a bit drastic I can think of one positive" she said yesterday "Think of the money I'd save on shoes"

Former sports star Carl Lewis weighed into the debate saying that sawing peoples limbs off is a life long punishment and should be avoided by anyone offered the ultimatum.

"Just say a swimmer is caught taking drugs and has his arms removed.What if two years later he or she wants to become a driving instructor.They couldn't do it could they? They'd have no arms and keep on running into things" he claimed.

Lewis's outburst was immediately dismissed by Olympic officials.

"They've got special cars for people with no arms" quoted a spokesperson. Although, this was later challenged by the Department of Motor Vehicles.

"The first pre requisite for anyone wanting to become an instructor is that they have at least one arm, swimmer or not" said a department head.

A repentant Jones says she will give her answer early next week adding that if she did decide to have her legs removed she'd put them up for auction and donate the money to charity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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