Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 28 December 2007

image for Frank Lampard Out With Torn Ego
The wheels have fallen off for Lampost

Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard has been ruled out of playing for at least three months today, after he suffered a Torn Ego in the 4-4 draw with Aston Villa at Stamford Bridge at the weekend.

Lampard, who has got used to getting his own way, had a poor game, and ended the match on a stretcher after speaking to the referee and not getting what he wanted. Medical staff at the club say Lamps was inconsolable in the dressing room, wept openly and told other players they just weren't good enough.

It's the latest in a long line of disasters at the Bridge, which started with the exit of ex-manager Jose Mourinho, and has recently seen both John Terry and Didier Drogba cry off with 'injuries'.

Some experts believe that these and other players have resigned themselves to the fact that they cannot win the Premiership title this year, and are 'winding down' for the season, in order for many of them to be fit and ready for the Euro 2008 championships which start in June.

Lampard, of course, will be a spectator at that tournament, having, as a member of the England team, failed to qualify for the final stages.

Speaking on the Chelsea website, Lampard told fans:

"I'm in agony. I can't stand it when I can't get me own way."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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