Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 22 December 2007

image for Manchester United Player Jonny Evans Framed By Chelsea Slagg
She's not much to look at, is she?

The Manchester United footballer at the centre of the controversial and exciting 'rape storm' allegation story, Jonathan 'Jonny' Evans, was framed by a Chelsea slag, sources at the club.

Sir Alex Ferguson, a manager at the company, told readers on the the corporate website that the young Northern Ireland star had been the innocent victim of circumstances, in the wrong place at the wrong time, naive, unlucky etc, when he had met a woman at the Reds' Christmas Do who had asked Evans if she could sit on his face.

What happened next, according to Mr Ferguson, is unclear, but police officers stormed the Old Trafford premises on Wednesday morning looking for Evans, with regard to rape allegations involving failed Cockney actress Audrey Slagg.

Slagg, 58, who once unsuccessfully auditioned for the part of Dot Cotton in EastEnders, is a fan of United's arch rivals in the Premiership title race, Chelsea, and it's thought that she may have been sent to the bash by Blues' chief executive Peter Kenyon to lure Wayne Rooney into a 'compromising situation'.

Rooney is known to like older women, but Slagg, having drunk enough beer to sedate a herd of cattle, seems to have sat on the first friendly face that she could lay eyes on. Hence, Evans found himself 'in the shit'.

United have said that they are standing by Evans "all the way". Special club counsellors are to help him make his claim for Unemployment Benefit next week.

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