Written by Shaun Ferguson
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Thursday, 20 December 2007

image for Footballer Cries Rape
His team mates could not believe what they were watching

A 19 year old Manchester United player has made allegations of sexual harassment after a Christmas shindig that went wrong.

The angelic youngster was among a group of United players who had been invited to join a hen party at the Old Trafford Tandoori. Little did they expect to find a boisterous group of aging former glamour girls much the worse for drink.

As the women, who were all wearing toy police helmets and playing with clockwork penises and vibrators downed their beers their behaviour became ever more animated and shocking.

Restaurant owner Shara Curry said she had never seen such lewd conduct. "It was clear the women were very, very drunk" she said. They must have had at least seven pints of Strongbow each and then began undressing for what they called a "clit size" competition. After yet more drinks some of them started fondling and harassing the footballers, asking to see their tackle.".

One of the women apparently took a shine to the cute young Manchester defender and witnesses claim she dragged him to the floor, ripped off his shirt, then opened his belt and whipped off his Prada jeans.

The others watched in disbelief as the youngster screamed for his mum while the girl is said to have performed oral sex on him and buggered him with a Smirnoff bottle.

The police would only confirm that a 37 year old bleached blonde tart with 44 inch tits was being held in custody.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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