Written by Red Dwarf
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Sunday, 4 April 2004

image for Ruud Van Nistelrooy Wins Grand National
Ruud pulls away

The Manchester United striker was missing from the United side as they defeated Arsenal at Villa park on Saturday, but his absence wasn't due to his knee injury as many thought. No, it became clear that Ruud was actually running in the Grand National at Aintree and couldn't make both the game and the race.

Ruud, under the alias of 'Atherleigh House', got off to a poor start but made up for it in the final stages charging past the leaders to win by about 5 lengths.

It was decided that as Van Nistelrooy was half man half horse he didn't need a Jockey, some said that this was an unfair advantage but it seems quite fair when you take into account the other Horses extra two legs.

When Nistelrooy was paraded in the winners circle the owner, Sir Alex Fergerson patted Ruud on the back and gave him his ribbon and a nice bit of hay for later.

Ruud should be back for United's next game but his racing future seems less certain and Ruud appears to be content with going out to stud after this famous victory.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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