Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 19 December 2007

image for Police Arrest Several Randy 19-Year-Olds At Manchester United Christmas 'Do'
Not this Anderson, you idiot!

Greater Manchester Police say they have arrested several 19-year-old football players on suspicion of various offences after the Manchester United Christmas Shindig in Castlefield got a bit 'out-of-hand', according to reports.

The party, which took place at the Great John Street Hotel on Monday night, was attended by Sir Alex Ferguson and all the senior United team including Wayne Rooney and gay Portugeezer Cristiano Ronaldo, who are both 22, so that lets them off the hook.

Brazilian midfielder Anderson, however, is exactly 19, therefore it must have been him, and police say he may have been one of those arrested. Jonathan 'Jonny' Evans, another 19-year-old, is being held as a 'scapegoat'.

A statement has been released by the club on its website denying any links to drunkenness, rowdy behaviour, drug-taking, diving or influencing the referee.

Sources at the club say that everything at the party went swimmingly, and with no new injuries to report, Sir Alex is able to select from a full squad for the match against Everton at Old Trafford on Sunday (12pm).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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