In an attempt to clear his name of allegations of substance abuse baseball great Barry Bonds agreed to a second drug test. It was reported Bonds' collected urine samples from his miniature Doberman Pincher, his sister, and his aunt then mixed the samples together. He also masturbated in the concoction in an attempt to skew the testing.
Bonds' was shocked when he read the results;
Mr. Bonds, Your dog has rabies, your sister is pregnant, Aunt Beulah is off the wagon and if you don't stop masturbating your repetitive motion syndrome is going to flair up.
Bonds' commented "Damn them mo'fo are GOOD!"