It was confirmed last night that British tennis sensation, Andy Murray, has been signed up to appear in a new biopic about Fred Perry.
"This is a real coup," a spokesperson told the Spoof. "Perry was the last British man to win the singles final at Wimbledon some 70 years ago, and we're hopeful the biopic will be completed by 2009, in time to commemorate the centenary of his birth. He deserves to be portrayed on film by an authentic tennis player, and who is there better than Murray, a Brit who is hotly tipped to win Wimbledon himself in the next few years."
"This means we won't need to use a stunt double, so we'll be able to avoid the phoney match footage that so often characterises tennis films. Another bonus is that Murray is something of a tennis anorak, and quite frankly what he doesn't know about the history of the game can be written on the back of a postage stamp. So we won't need to hire someone extra to check the accuracy of the factual content." he added.
Perry's sister, Florrie, 95, speaking from her Stockport nursing-home, said, "Murray? - is he the nice boy from Oxfordshire, or the wild one with the hair? Well, he'll definitely need to get his hair cut. And have a shave. Freddie was always particular about his appearance. But he could be a firebrand on court too. He was always so determined to win, you see."
Retired Colonel Bertram Piggott-Smythe, curator of the Lawn Tennis Museum at the All England Club commented: "Murray has plenty of natural talent, so he should adapt quickly to using a wooden racquet. We've got Mr Perry's actual one from 1936 here. Now this is what I call a proper racquet, not one of those new-fangled ones they use today..."
He did, however, also voice some concerns. "It may be a bit startling to see Murray's lanky physique in white flannels and blazer. And what about his accent? Are they planning on using sub-titles?"
Neither Murray, nor his agent, Patrizio Apey, was available for comment. However, it is rumoured that the negotiations to sign up the player was a major factor in causing the split with Brad Gilbert, who, it is believed, thought that there were enough dramatics in their relationship already.