Written by Hunzy
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Topics: Barry Bonds

Saturday, 24 November 2007

image for Barry Bonds Reaches Out to Kids
The kid on the left is about to turn into the Incredible Hulk.

Alcatraz, CA - While Barry Bonds has made some mistakes in his life, he's determined to make sure that other's do not fall into the same traps. After being sent to jail for perjury and obstruction to justice, Barry Bonds entered into a plea agreement where he would spend his time in juvenile hall being a motivational speaker and mentor to troubled youth.

Bonds commented at a press conference, "I'm trying to get on the right track and I just want to help everyone else along the way too." Bonds has had a positive effect on inmates. One local youth remarked, "Barry has taught me more than anyone else I know. He taught me it's not cheating if you don't get caught." And when it's time to play prison softball Barry is always the first pick among the kids.

Barry puts on several workshops for the kids that range from all subjects such as how to "inject cortizon shots" to "fudging on your W4 forms". "We've noticed that the kids have been getting a lot bigger around the prison lately," said one guard.

Barry is a great peacemaker. When a knife fight broke out one day between two kids during a softball game, Barry went out of the dugout and sat on one of the kids to shut him up. Needless to say no one's going to shank Barry.

While Barry has led a troubled life he definitely exerts a positive influence in the upcoming generation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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