Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 24 November 2007

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Kevin Keegan wasn't THAT bad

There was real drama at Football Association headquarters today when it emerged that NOBODY wants to manage the England national team.

A short list was drawn up by FA chief executive Brian Barwick which included Jose Mourinho, Martin O'Neill, Sven Goran Eriksson, Rafa Benitez, and Italian Fabio Capello, but all have said they would rather eat their own turds than manage England.

Barwick then turned to his 'second string' of either Alan Curbishley, Sam Allardyce, or Martin Jol, but they all declined the offer as well, Allardyce using several expletives in his reply.

Steve McClaren was sacked on Thursday after England failed to qualify for the Euro 2008 Finals in Austria and Switzerland, but it now seems likely that he may be reinstated, unless someone can be found at the 'last chance saloon'.

As this story went to Press, however, a glimmer of hope appeared on the horizon as Phil Brown, manager of Hull City, threw his hat into the ring, reasoning that he has had much experience of managing teams that are not even half-decent, and would be an ideal choice for the England manager post.

Barwick has promised to consider Brown if Ricky Tomlinson doesn't get back to him before Monday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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