Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 20 November 2007

image for McClaren Used 'The Force' In Tel Aviv
McClaren leaves the stadium on Saturday

Steve McClaren, the England manager now being hailed as the Greatest Ever Englishman from York, may have used 'The Force' to obtain a favourable result for his team in the Israel/Russia match on Saturday.

As the final minutes wound down in Tel Aviv, the two teams were locked at 1-1, and England looked to be going out of the tournament. The Israel players looked like they had had enough, and were almost out-on-their-feet.

Suddenly, though, Israeli forward Omer Golan raced through at breakneck speed, breaking his neck in the process, and fired his team to an unlikely victory, which, if England avoid defeat against Croatia on Wednesday, will take McClaren's men through to the finals in Austria and Switzerland next year.

McClaren, watching from the stands, remained totally expressionless and silently rose from his seat and made for the exit.

Officials at NASA in the USA said that they registered "a tremendous disturbance in the Force", and it may be that it was McClaren using previously unknown Jedi powers to secure England's Destiny.

Gus Hiddink, the Dutch manager of Russia is due to complain to the Emperor and the Sith Lords this Wednesday, but McClaren, answering questions from Gary Lineker on the BBC said:

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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