Written by King David
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Topics: Steroids

Sunday, 18 November 2007

image for New baseball league formed to accommodate steroid users; NFL and National Hockey Leagues standing by
New baseball league formed to accomodate steroid users

It was reported today that the commissioner of Major League Baseball, Bud Selig announced that there would be some major changes coming down the pike. One change addressed the problem of the rash of recent stars admitting to using anabolic steroids. To counter this trend, the commissioner said that a new league would be formed.

"We just cannot keep up with the amount of athletes turning to performance enhancing drugs," he said. "We have to deal with this issue in the most efficient and cost effective manner."

Baseball analysts say that they don't expect the new measure to affect the fan base of the regular majors much since attendance has been waning in recent years.

"In fact, it may separate those who come out to see a freak show from those who just want to watch good old fashioned baseball and take us down to a loyal fan base," he said. "We also feel like we're giving the fans an alternative. They can either watch normal men go out onto the field, or a freak show of large-headed, misfortunate giants who look more like their team's mascot than normal players."

Since new accommodations must be made for the cranially larger athletes to use locker rooms, entrance tunnels and sports equipment, the new league is scheduled to begin next summer.

The Rawlings Company, who state adamantly that they don't slaughter Chick-Fil-A cows to make their products, says that it will have to produce a new line of head gear for the cranially large and teratogenic athletes to accommodate new crowns. The dimensions for baseball gloves are also expected to change.

Fans of the new league say they hope that the egos of the new celebrities don't expand in direct proportion to their new head sizes.

"We already have to wait for hours and endure flat comments from moodily ignominious and sanctimoniously vexing prima donnas just to get an autograph," one fan said. "And that's what makes our country so great."

Commissioners of the NFL and National Hockey Leagues are watching results of the new league with curiosity and careful deportment.

Major networks, CBS, NBC and ABC are currently vying for contracts.

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