Written by King David
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Topics: Barry Bonds

Friday, 16 November 2007

image for Barry Bonds wins Spoofwriter's award for "teacher of the year;" ironically loses perspective of own balls
Barry Bonds after bleach(er) treatments; loses perspective of own balls; wins Spoofwriter's teacher of the year award

Barry Bonds just clinched it. After being indicted today for perjury and obstruction of justice, Bonds won Spoofwriter, King David's award for "teacher of the year."

"Mr. Bonds teaches us what is extremely right with our culture and what is exceedingly wrong with it," David said.

It was reported that the satirist complemented Bonds and other players like him for their perseverance, hard work and dedication to their sport.

"These guys are examples of what we can accomplish if we dare to dream and work hard," the satirist said.

Bonds, who is the son of former major league All-Star Bobby Bonds, the godson of Hall of Famer Willie Mays, and a distant cousin of Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson, probably didn't grow up in poverty, but was forced to play in the shadows of his famous father, godfather and cousin which could have been inheritently worse.

"How many children of famous celebrities do we see falling flat on their faces?" David asked. "The down side to Bonds is that he lost perspective of what was important."

What the intrepid satirist was refering to was that Bonds, in his effort to become home-run king, ironically lost perspective of his own balls. And what everyone is wondering now is does he have anything left?

But critics say it doesn't really matter. The man may be going to jail for 30 years and his balls won't serve him very well in jail.

"Would you trade almost $44 million a year and hitting a homerun one out of every 10 at bats for your balls?

I'm not sure that I want to hear the answer to that," the venturesome satrirst commented.

But the 43-year old slugger, Bonds, still flatly rejects ever having used performance enhancing drugs despite hard evidence uncovered during the criminal investigation that he had.

"Everyone knows that steroids can crack your bat," David said, "he just lost perspective and was willing to sacrifice his own balls to hit more balls over the fence."

We've seen this happen a million times before in government, business, religion, politics. Could it be that we are asking just a wee bit much?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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