Written by damian parry
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Monday, 12 November 2007

image for Arsene Wenger in Johnny Foreginer Storm
there's trouble aht mill

Arsene Wenger, the semi-sighted manager of Arsenal has today become embroiled in fresh controversy, this time regarding his real identity and nationality.

Reporters delving into Professor Wengers murky past have today revealed that he is not French as previously thought, but is in reality an Englishman from Hebden Bridge.

It can be revealed that his real identity is in fact Archibald Dingle, a former professional pigeon fancier in his native Yorkshire, who in the late eighties was prosecuted for taking the term 'pigeon fancier' a little too literally and was successfully prosecuted by the RSPCB on several counts of avian abuse. These charges led to him disappearing for several years before resurfacing under his new identity.

The revelations seem to cast serious doubt on his future at the club, whose board have called an extraordinary meeting to discuss the matter further, with calls for his immediate dismissal most likely.

A source close to the club confided; "dealing quickly with this matter is of course a matter of great urgency to the board. A club of the stature of Arsenal can not afford to be seen to have an Englishman as manager"

When asked to comment on the reports, Monsieur Dingle replied; "I haven't seen owt"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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