Written by Jools M
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Monday, 5 November 2007

image for Martina Hingis lands lucrative Sinex Deal
Centre court prepares for the showdown

Martina Hingis, the former Tennis ace, who earlier this week tested positive for being monged off her face after snorting a bag of Cocaine during this years Wimbledon, has landed a lucrative sponsorship deal with Vicks to be the new face of their flagship SINEX brand.

Vicks head of marketing Tania Snotscombe said: "Martina was the perfect choice although she faced stiff competition from Daniella Westbrook, when it comes to it she is, beautiful, educated and witty, whereas miss Westbrook is just a loud mouth ignorant chav.

"We feel that Martina will add a certain something to the brand as we are encouraging our consumers to snort our product on a daily basis and this way we can link snorting chemicals up your nose with beauty and success, showing that a good sniff is not necessarily a bad thing

"We are also looking at developing a TV ad where Martina races a number of other semi clad female tennis stars in snorting the lines off the grass at center court. In the ad, she will be snorting against Olga Gruntangroanova, Lilliana Getalegova, and Carolina Droolova."

Martina also expressed her delight at the news: "Yes, I am very happy. This stuff is very expensive you know and then there is the reconstruction of my septum to consider in a couple of years."

As we went to press, Maria Sharapova was rumored to have accepted an offer to front up Ann Summers new catalogue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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