Written by Andrew Lawrence
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Monday, 5 November 2007

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In the USA, manly contact sports such as boxing, football, basketball, hockey and sex are losing popularity, giving way to what experts call "sissy sports" ...

Sissy sports are low impact or non-contact pastimes such as golf, fishing, poker, bowling and binge drinking. Sissy sports require no physical strength, little or no risk of serious injury and can be played by all weak and wimpy adult males (and most weak and wimpy adult females). Many sissy sports do not even require spiking a ball, high-fives or excessive gyration upon scoring.

As soccer and baseball do have occasional hard contact between players these sports are considered semi-sissy sports.

The world Olympic Games are reflective of the new trend toward sissy sports. The upcoming summer games feature such new Olympic competitions as ballroom dancing, race walking, gin rummy and wine tasting.

A spokesperson for the American Manly Sports Association, Mike Mahcho, opines, "Yup. It's getting harder to find real men who want to play real sports and shed real blood. Must be the influence of them left-wing liberal softies. I'd like to smack 'em all upside the head, show 'em how a manly sport is played."

The Sissy Sports Society could not be reached for comment as their voice mail said they were all out either playing golf or going fishing.

copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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