Written by Jalapenoman
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Drugs, Tennis

Thursday, 1 November 2007

image for Martina Hingis Quits Tennis Due to Positive Cocaine Tests
Hingis, a winner of five majors and once ranked #1 in the world, is retiring.

Former Wimbledon champion Martina Hingis officially announced her retirement from tennis after her original and back up samples from this year's tournament tested positive for cocaine. She stated that the long suspension time and legal battles to clear her name would take too long to fight.

In a short statement to the press, Hingis offered the following:

"I have never taken cocaine in my life and have no idea how the drug got into my urine sample. Sure, I've smoked a little pot, taken steroids, used HGH, gotten drunk a lot, taken speed before a match, experimented with Heroin and LSD, swapped needles with Barry Bonds, smoked a little crack, and gotten dusted a time or two, but who hasn't?"

When asked how both her primary and secondary urine contributions tested positive, Hingis, in a fit of roid rage, threw her tennis racket at the reporter and stamped out of the press conference.

Make Jalapenoman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 2?

9 5 8 18
58 readers are online right now!

Go to top