Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Cheerleaders

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

image for Cheerleader wins scholarship to University of Hard Knocks for team spirit for getting sacked by football team day after car crash
Cheerleader, Cali Kaltschmidt, wins a scholarship to attend the University of Hard Knocks for her team spirit

Seattle, Washington - Always wanting to be both on the sideline and on the field, Cali Kaltschmidt, a cheerleader at Washington State's Aubum High, was torn between just being a cheerleader boasting the team's spirits and wanting to actually play for the school's football team to help the boys out on the field. Yesterday, she decided to go against all the advice from her family and friends who frowned on the idea, telling her she was just too petite.

Seeing her opportunity to prove everybody wrong, and make her dream come true, she ran out onto the field to meet her destiny.

"I memorized all the plays," said Kaltschmidt, still somewhat shaken from the incident, while taking a precautionary MRI scan from the local hospital. "Well, at least I used to remember them. I think."

Doctors say they do not think Kaltschmidt condition is serious and believe any physical injuries she sustained actually occurred in a car accident she had the day before she was tackled by the entire football team.

"She was suffering the lingering effects a concussion from the car accident," said the attending emergency room physician. "That's probably why she got the harebrain idea to tryout for the football team. She was delusional."

Kaltschmidt is expected to make a full recovery and says she is no longer interested in joining the football team.

"I don't think I'm cut out to be on the [football] team," said Kaltschmidt from a wheel chair, as her father rolled her out of the hospital to their car parked out front. "I think I'll go back to the high school chess team. The doctor says it's safer now that he surgically removed that pawn from my cranium."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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