Written by Candice Hitler
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Thursday, 11 October 2007

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Dangerously back-combed

England ace John 'Chocolate Orange' Terry has broken his hair days before the team's impending defeat to dog-eating rock growers Estonia. Claude LeRouge, the team's hair and make up physio, spotted Terry's split end injury during a mid week fashion show training session.

Terry (63) told reporters today 'one is rather miffed at the possibility that one may miss what is shaping up to be the grandest event of the social calendar'.

When enjoyably probed backstage about his hair he waffled 'As you fine upstanding members of the literati are undoubtedly aware I suffered a most undignified injury to my parting last week in the match against good ol' boys Manchester United. Claude [LeRouge] did what he could but it gave way again and could lead to a fringe if I'm not sensible'

This is bad news for England fans who are already worried that the starting eleven could be the weakest set of hair-cuts available in the squad.

Fan and part time thug Ray Doon gave us his opinions on the potential line up;

'If Owen's fit enough to wear his boy band bowl cut then we're in with a shout. Crouch has an inconsistent quiff that could cause problems and Hargreaves' soggy Liverpudlian black noodle mess could be the difference between losing or drawing'

Kick off is at 3.30 and is coming to a football stadium near you!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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