Written by Princess Consuela
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Wednesday, 26 September 2007

image for Posh to have 8 more kids, Mourinho to manage "Team Beckham"

Sensation has swept the premier league with news that former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho will make a million dollar move to the American Major League Soccer to manage a team full of Beckhams.

News has reached The Spoof that Posh spice, aka Victoria Beckham will return to "the only thing I'm good at", namely producing children. She and husband David Beckham are going back to basics in an attempt to capitalize on their transatlantic move. Mourinho who suspiciously left the premier league as police closed in on the McCann kidnapper is said to be delighted with the prospect of managing an XI of Beckhams.

In an exclusive interview with US magazine W, Mourinho attempted to pose seductively through a range of settings following a similar spread by the Beckhams in an earlier issue. Where David posed with wife Victoria, Mourinho positioned himself with a pool cue noting "it's probably not as thin as Posh but it's definitely a lot smarter". The interview quickly returned to Mourinho's shock move from the billion dollar Chelsea Pony Club as he elaborated on the details of his departure.

"The owner, he used to send me a drink after a good game. Maybe a brandy or a good bottle of red. I should have seen it coming this season after the first five games were followed only by Molotov cocktails. But I'm happy here. I get to do what I love, which is teaching retarded children how to play football. Will I put David on the team you ask? Well, if he trains hard enough. I don't think he is cut out for the league. He's gone a bit soft. Ever since that boot to the head I think."

Jose Mourinho has however asked Victoria and David to hurry the process of producing a team of Beckhams, warning the randy duo that he requires at least another thirteen players as well as the three that already exist. "I'll definitely need at least 2 subs and a reserve goalkeeper. If we're ever to pose a threat to the likes of Sunderland, Derby or Rosenborg then I'm going to need a full bench"

Victoria too is said to be excited about the prospect of fornicating once more with David. Between shooting for her new reality program which will feature the entire process, she spoke semi-exclusively to the Spoof and a host of other partially-credible journalists. The show titled "Victoria Beckham: coming for America" will be a two part series, each episode an hour in length or "however long it'll take Becks to land one on me". When asked how she found time to breed between the upcoming Spice Girls reunion tour and her other fashion designing engagements, Posh revealed "Well I don't really have many rehearsals for the tour. The other girls say its cos I'm the shittest singer of the group but they're just jealous their boobs don't follow people around a room the way mine do."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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