Written by Mister Meaner
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Monday, 24 September 2007

image for Chelsea To Concentrate On 'Staying In The Premiership'
They might have to take a few seats out

Avram Grant, the new Chelsea 'manager', has said in an interview that the priority at Stamford Bridge for the rest of this season, is to stay in the Premier League and avoid relegation.

Grant was speaking after yesterday's 2-0 trouncing by Manchester United at Old Trafford, where United fans sang the name of ousted Jose Mourinho for the whole of the 90 minutes, to remind the Israeli who the better manager is.

"We have to concentrate on staying up," said Grant, adding "it will be hard due to the player's revolt and the lack of belief now that Jose has gone, but you can believe me, I will do my best."

That won't be good enough for many Blues' fans who have got used to winning, even by flukey or underhand means. Many may now stop going to Stamford Bridge and choose to travel to Arsenal or White Hart Lane instead.

John Fickle, a Chelsea fan of more than three years, said:

"I ain't payin' that koind o' manny to go an' watch a team that don't win every week! Do me a favour!"

Another, Alan Chameleon, 56, confessed:

"I've followed winning teams for more than 70 years, and it's more convenient for me to go see the Arsenal."

Those views won't be well received at Chelsea, and owner Roland Abramovichski might put his lip out in that familiar way this morning when he reads the newspapers.

Chelsea legend Kerry Dixon, who remembers the football club's last sorry stint in the lower leagues in the 1980s, said:

"It's sad, but I can see those times happening all over again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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