Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 22 September 2007

image for Mourinho seen in Northern Rock queue
Mourinho is fourth left, in the purple jacket

Chelsea - (Ridiculous Mess): Ex-Chelsea FC coach Jose Mourinho was reportedly seen in queue outside the Kings Road branch of the Northern Rock Bank today clutching several large holdalls and flanked by heavies.

The former 'Special One' of Stamford Bridge has been camped out in the queue since Wednesday night after the news of his golden goodbye stunned the nation.

"It's not that Jose distrusts the Northern Rock," an aide said today.

"But it did take Chancellor Alisatir Darling's public promise to personally guarantee every last penny of the bank's coffers before Jose signed off on the dotted line after tearing up Abramovich's hastily scrawled IOU," Mourinho's accountant explained.

The Chelsea branch has been under seige all week as celeb coke dealers staged a panic run on their deposit accounts, steadfastly ignoring Bank of England pleas for calm and government assurances of 'business as usual'.

Some thought the last straw came when Cherie Blair was allowed to jump the queue on Wednesday morning before emerging from a back door pushing a (Bin?) laden trolley and smiling nervously before being whisked away towards an unknown destination.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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