Arsecut Racecourse - (Ass Mess): This year's Group One Queen Elizabeth II Stakes at Ascot is to be relegated to auction handicap status.
The news follows the curator of Royal Archives at Windsor Castle confirming that owners, breeders, trainers and bookies were no longer prepared to carry on with the shambolic deception of naming a Group One race after the Puppet Monarch.
"This race has become the laughing stock of the thoroughbred racing industry," internet spread-betting site Aintgottaprayer.Com said today.
"Why they didn't just call it Adolf Hitler's Daughter's Race is beyong me but I think it's something to do with the Labour Party's policy of appeasement."
From 2008 the equally daftass King George and Queen Elizabeth Diamond Stakes will be renamed the Wartime Appeasement Coalition's Cubic Zirconia Stakes and prize money slashed to a bottle of Balmoral Spring Water to the winner, two bottles to the runner-up and a case of 12 to the third-placed.
Royal Arsecut's Princess Margaret Stakes will also be renamed the Peter Mandelson Race after the silly moo's illegitimate son that Ronald Reagan fathered during the cover-up of the Peter Townsend affair.
Meanwhile the Duke of Edinburgh Stakes will be totally abolished and replaced with a statue of the present incumbent's real-life uncle, the Blackshirts' fascist leader Oswald Mosely.
Kieren Fallon is 36.