Written by Tess Tickles
Print this

Sunday, 2 September 2007

image for Murray Hires Rusedski To Help Him Smile
Andy Murray: most miserable tennis player of all time.

Scottish tennis sensation Andy Murray has employed Greg Rusedski as his new grinning coach, The Spoof can exclusively reveal. Murray requested the services of Rusedski after his former grinning coach quit, citing that getting Murray to smile was 'a lost and hopeless cause'.

Murray admits that tensions were high between he and his former employee and he is looking forward to working under Rusedski: "It should be fun. I'm looking forward to it immensely. I'm really, really excited", stated Murray, with a frown.

Fake Brit Rusedski, who hasn't stopped grinning since 1992 as part of a Guinness world record attempt, is also relishing the challenge: "I think getting Murray to smile will be the biggest achievement of my career should I pull it off. Andy tells me he hasn't smiled since June 12th 1990 when his brother inexplicably farted during an episode of Dallas, so this is going to be a tester. Besides, I've got nothing else to do with my time but work as a pundit for Sky Sports and talk absolute bullocks alongside Annabel Croft", said Rusedski with a smile, before singing his own version of R.E.M.'s Shiny Happy People.

Rusedski was guarded when asked what methods he was going to employ in order to get the talented Scot to finally chuckle, but did offer some insight: "I may do my Kermit The Frog impersonation for starters, then I'm considering a Punch And Judy puppet show, and if all else fails, I'll probably just pop in a dvd of my tennis career".

Murray is wary of the inroads that young rivals such as Novak Djokovic and Marcos Baghdatis have made when it comes not only to their game but also to their ability to not look like a complete and utter miserable bastard during interviews and on the court: "I need to step it up. I've got to put in the hours if I want to make that crucial breakthrough. It's going to be hard but I'm willing to give 110 percent. Hopefully in a few months I'll be able to smile, but let's not get ahead of ourselves; I've got a long way to go", said Andy, before doing a rendition of Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head and returning to the Stephen King novel Misery.

Make Tess Tickles's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 plus 1?

7 3 5 18
40 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more