Written by Blind Fool -••-
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Topics: Canada, Hockey

Thursday, 11 March 2004

TORONTO, Canada (FP) -- Todd Bertuzzi, an All-Star NHL forward, publically apologized to Colorado's Steve Moore, the man whose neck he broke with one damaging punch.

Bertuzzi slugged Moore in the side of the head late in Monday night's 9-2 victory by the Avalanche. He hit Moore from behind and drove his head into the ice. Moore landed face-first -- with the 245-pound Bertuzzi on top of him -- and lay in a pool of blood for several minutes before he was removed on a stretcher.

Moore is out for the season with a broken neck. He also sustained a concussion and deep cuts on his face, and remained hospitalized in Vancouver.

Bertuzzi later said to Moore, "I had no intention of hurting you."

His official statement to the press (while pointing with his thumb) was, "I had no intended hurtful relations with that man - Steve Moore."

But the denials and apologies didn't stop there. Todd "The Bruiser" Bertuzzi recounted many such incidents that he didn't actually mean to happen either.

For example, he told of the time when he was a youngster when he ripped off every leg of a millipede one at a time then fried it with a carefully aimed concentrated beam of sunlight with his magnifying glass. He then said, "I had no intention of hurting you, Mr. Millipede."

He also apologized for broadcasting insect poison and weed killer on his yard last week and said he had no intention of hurting the little buggers nor pesky unwanted plants.

Then he recounted a hunting trip last fall when he pegged a buck from one hundred yards out with a bulls-eye shot through its heart cavity. The bullet sucked the life out of the deer and it dropped dead immediately.

Bertuzzi said, "I had no intention of hurting that animal."

He went on to say that he had no intention of hurting any of the trees he's chopped down, nor any of the birds in his cock fighting ring, nor any of the cattle in his family owned slaughter house.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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