French club Arsenal have confirmed that its squad has been decimated by a rather nasty outbreak of diarrhoea after signing Lassana Diarra from Chelsea.
The player had undergone stringent medical checks, and showed no sign of any viral infections. However, this morning seventeen of the Arsenal team were unable to 'raise themselves from the throne', and were said to be 'shitting through the eye of a needle'.
Manager Arsene Wenger was one of those affected, and blamed Chelsea boss Jose Moaninho for sending them the virus.
The outbreak comes close on the heels of another major illness at the North London club after six cases of Gunnerhoea were discovered there last month.
The FA have said that their medical examiners will visit the Emirates Stadium on Monday to take samples from all of the players to see if any of them are English.