Written by Mister Meaner
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Friday, 31 August 2007

image for Sunderland's Roy 'Keen' To Kick United Heads In
Roy Keane

Manchester United take on Sunderland tomorrow in the game of the weekend with the Black Cats' boss Roy Keane 'champing at the bit' to put one over on his old team-mates and their manager the old Scot Sir Alice Ferguson.

Keane, who is an Irishman, and therefore, a 'Mick', has told his players to 'pull no punches', and has had them practising neck-high tackles all week.

Also making a return to the Theatre Of Dread, is Kieran Richardson, the cousin of Big Brother nutcase Charley Uchua, who still can't believe he would sign for someone as 'daft' as the Wearsiders.

Charley will be at the match to see her cousin, and to namedrop in front of anyone who will listen. She will be wearing the skimpiest knickers ever seen at Old Trafford.

Sunderland have a few injury worries, but these are irrelevant, as even their full-strength side would be no match for United's reserve team. United, meanwhile, will be without the services of Olly Gunner Solstice, who has retired after more than 40 years as a Red.

Sir Alice told reporters that he was looking forward to the clash and would give Keane a warm welcome.

The Irishman said through a translator:

"We can't wait to get stuck into them either."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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