Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 24 August 2007

image for Manchester United Sign Horse To Replace Heinze
Robbo is a bit of a hoofer

Manchester United, the Premier League Chumpions after failing to record a single victory in any of their first three games this season, have made a surprising swoop into the transfer market to replace Gabriel Heinze who signed for Real Madrid yesterday.

Old Trafford boss Sir Alice Ferguson has really gone out on a limb this time, and has "secured the the signature" of a horse named Robbo.

Robbo, named after United leg end Bryan Robson, can play in defence or attack equally badly, and is a versatile acquisition to Ferguson's squad.

Heinze, 29, was unhappy at the way he was dealt with at United where, he says, he was "treated like fodder". The Argentine defender originally wanted to sign for United's arch-rivals Liverpool but, in the end, was only too keen to sign for the Spanish giants and to escape from the Theatre of Dread.

Because of injuries and their poor start to the campaign, Sir Alice may well throw Robbo straight into the team to face Tottenham on Sunday, and will hope that the trusty nag will have a dramatic effect on his lacklustre players.

Ferguson said on the club's website:

"I know a thing or two about horses. This one's a winner."

Robbo's owner Pippa Post laughed:

"Robbo's lovely, but he's all left foot."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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