Written by Dignan
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Topics: Steroids, Wrestling

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

image for Harsh Angry Wrestler Exterior Concealed Soft Core of Molten Steroids
El Dopa

Midget Wrestler Caleb Smith was also known by his ring name El Dopa. His signature move, the Trackmark, was feared throughout the industry.

"He was a great wrestler," said friend, enemy, and occasional tag-team cohort Dodgeball. "First he would get you into a headlock. Then he'd spin you around, get you real dizzy. Then he'd turn you over and pile-drive you."

El Dopa frequently grabbed the microphone away from announcers and created a daunting impression in a single-piece white spandex costume with a white, horse-shaped mask: "First I'm going to get you into a headlock. Then I'm going to spin you around, then …."

"He built his image around heroin," said frequent opponent Slam Spade. "But it wasn't believable. That guy was muscular."

And as it turned out, more muscular than even his friends knew. Last week Mr. Smith turned a routine orgy with a girl's volleyball team into a scene of tragic carnage.

"Simultaneously asphyxiating six active females with dental floss is not easy," said local police chief John Deer, "even for a non-midget. We've only seen it done once before. but when you're 'roided up like that, anything can happen."

Steroids. Apparently Mr. Smith was so imbued with them that his testicles had retracted all the way into his brain, lodging themselves behind and protruding his eyeballs, driving him insane.

"It's a tragedy," said ex-wife Linda Kemp. "He wasn't like he was portrayed in the ring. I mean he was a real asshole, but wasn't violent on a regular basis. Every now and then to let you know being a midget didn't mean who couldn't keep his women in line. But I had no idea he was capable of this. Not with dental floss."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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