Written by Tess Tickles
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Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Roger Federer has decided to follow in the footsteps of his idol Borg and quit the game while ahead. The Swiss has admitted that he just isn't motivated anymore and he is thoroughly fed up with 'beating the living daylights out of Andy Roddick'.

However, the five-time Wimbledon victor has his sights on another racket sport: "I'm going to play ping-pong."

Ping-Pong enthusiasts around the world have been quick to phone Rafa Nadal for tips on how to topple the reigning SW19 king. Chinaman Schlong Pong-Ping was one of those: "Nadal told me to change the surface to clay and play high topspin balls to his backhand. I'm importing bucketloads of clay from Roland Garros as we speak."

Jap Ping Dong-Pong was another: "He told me to serve and volley more, then told me to go play a real sport and stop calling him in the middle of the night. It was quite upsetting."

Federer himself isn't worried about the Ping Pong competition nor the strain it'll put on his body: "I'm just going to be moving two steps to my left and two steps to my right, returning balls easily. It'll just be like playing Andy Roddick again."

And Federer fans may hold some hope that the multi-grand slam champ may return to the tennis courts someday: "Maybe", conceded Roger, before adding: "Although I'll probably play with my ping-pong racket just to make it more interesting."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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