Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 18 August 2007

image for McClaren Panics And Recalls Has-beens For 'Friendly'
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Steve McClaren, the least popular England football manager in the history of the game, has given 'one last chance' to two veterans of the English game, goalkeeper David James and his Portsmouth team-mate Solomon Campbell.

Beset by injuries, and a general lack of decent players to choose from, McClaren, who was once a Hull City player, panicked yesterday, and announced that James and Campbell had been recalled for the 'friendly' against Germany at the New Wembley Stadium on Wednesday.

No-one was more surprised than the players themselves. James, now 41, hasn't started for England since the Jamaica match last June, and Campbell, 38, who doesn't even own a pair of boots anymore, said that he thought his England career had been over after the debacle against Sweden in the World Cup.

McClaren has experienced the most turbulent start to any England manager's reign, and has had to put up with being booed from the pitch after every game. In Macedonia, he suffered the indignity of having a dog turd thrown in his face by a disgruntled England fan, and had to appear in a post-match interview with the boggle-eyed BBC anchorman Garth Crooks, still covered in crap.

Critics have said that, if the match against Germany goes the same way as the last meeting between the two teams - a defeat for England in the last game at the old Wembley Stadium - then McClaren may well have to go.

The manager didn't look worried as he addressed a Press conference yesterday though. When it was suggested to him that the two latest recruits, at their ages, might not be able to stand the pace of international football anymore, McClaren stayed cool and said:

"If they prove unfit or unable to last a full game, I have others just waiting to fill their boots. I've already been on the phone with Terry Butcher and Ray Clemence, and both are available."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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