Written by Babbage
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Saturday, 18 August 2007

image for "I'll Massage Fergie's Shoulders" says Sven
Check large moles with a doctor

SVEN GORAN ERIKSSON promises to patch up relations with Sir Alex Ferguson - by giving him a hot stone massage!

The two supremos famously fell out when Fergie accused Sven of targeting talented players from top clubs for England duty - but when they meet this Sunday in the Manchester derby Sven will start the shoulder rubs.

"Alex often gets stiff from chewing and shouting" said the City mastermind, "It's a case of left shoulder good, right shoulder not so good.

"Hopefully Manchester City will dig in for three points, and afterwards I'll dig in to Alex's shoulders."

The rub is scheduled for right after Sunday's game, when both bosses will don their birthday suits for a trip to the steam room. Sven's unlikely olive branch traces back to Swedish tradition, where men share soapy rubs before making love to their wives.

But if Sven thinks he's in for an easy time he'll be wrong. Ferguson, dubbed "Bacon face" by fans because of his inflamed features, is reported by one source to be "like that all over."

"Sven will need all his strength to massage Fergie" said our insider "It'll be like rubbing a giant pork chop with impetigo."

Kick off at 1.30.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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