Manchester United yesterday signed an unborn baby on a thirty-year contract worth £80,000 a week.
The child, 'no-name' McCockburn, had the contract signed by his parents yesterday, who, through clause 80295 subsection CMXVIII of the 'parents taking legal powers over a child's life and soul' act (1997), were able to sign the contract.
Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of the club, said yesterday that, "ultrasound scans revealed some raw talent. If it is carefully nurtured [with dangerous weights training from an early age], this young tyke could take on the Premier League one day."
In completely unrelated news, Alex Ferguson was dragged off to a mental hospital later that day.