Written by Dignan
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Monday, 13 August 2007

The news sent shockwaves through the NFL community and its fans.

Oft-troubled and league-suspended NFL miscreant Adam "Pacman" Jones' image took what might be a fatal hit yesterday when it was discovered that the Tennessee Titan cornerback was contemplating spending his season-long suspension as a telemarketer.

A source claims Jones had been "staying up late, watching a lot of infomercials" and been obsessed with the idea of going into the telemarketing business from his home as a way of helping pay off his staggering legal fees.

"Fuck him. Fuck him right in the mouth," said Gomer Pigwife, a Tennessee native and Titans fan. "I've stood by that piece of crap for his entire career. Didn't give two shits what he did off the field so long as he took care of bidness on it … but this crosses a line. Telemarketing? Fuck me."

No word on what sort of product Jones might be trying to sell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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