Written by Aisubeki Akiudo
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Topics: Old People, Fighting

Monday, 13 August 2007

image for UK Pensioner Becomes Oldest UFC Fighter
Clippers Fans Come Daily To Watch Him Train

FRINTON-ON-SEA (Defecated News) - In the quiet relaxed resort of Frinton, an average day rolls along. Arthritic ladies walk dogs, couples dine while talking about memories of the second war, and gentle tai chi classes run in the local park. But for one pensioner, things are just a little different - to say the least.

Tommy 'Clipper' Chapman (73) should, stereotypically, be drawing his pension, or sitting around smelling of piss. But for him, the average day includes beating youngsters up for fun. As an accomplished cage fighter, he now hopes to high the big time and take the UFC by storm.

"I practice for three hours a day, I'll have you now young man", says Clipper who go his nickname because he once lost his friends nail clippers. "I get in our local fight club and proactive ground work including BJJ work and Greco-Roman wrestling. Then we move on to half hour slots of stand-up fighting. I enjoy sparring against Dan, a Muay Thai world champ."

Many are amazed at how he can perform to such a standard at his age. He shared he's secret with us and put it down to what his coach describes as 'shitloads of steroids' and a few 'lines of Charlie' every day, and most importantly 'three orgies a week'.

"Without all that, well...I'd be struggling, but thanks to my coach, I'm the bee's knees", he joked, laughing to himself.

Clipper will be fighting Chuck Liddell this Tuesday, and if he wins, he will fight Rampage Jackson in the New Year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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