The olympic governing body has, after years of debate, agreed to a new competition called 'couch potato'.
After years of dedicated fast food consumption and idle television watching, the youth of Britain is finally ready to take part in this illustrious competition, with training beginning at ever younger ages.
Out of 20 potential participants asked about Britain's chances in 2012, 6 couldn't be bothered to answer, 3 were admitted to hospital during questionning after unfortunate chicken bone incidents, 4 asked to be paid in chips and threw a wobbler when we could only offer them cash, and 1 had his head over the toilet bowl after a particularly bad strain of curry the night before. The other 6 though, were excited by the potential Britain is showing.
'Apparently, we are becoming the most fattiest island on the world,' claimed one of the chubbies, 'which can only be a dead good fing for a win.'
Other new competitions include 'fat slag mini-skirt competition'. To win this competition, the fat slag must qualify through 3 categories:
- Each leg must be at least 26 inches in circumference.
- The mini-skirt they wear must be, at maximum, 5 inches in length.
- They must have slept with at least 600 boys. (each boy can only be counted if they were wearing some form of burberry at the time.)
Competition for places in the sport is rife, and England are by far the favourites to landslide this maiden event. In regional qualifiers, Essex was neck and neck with Leeds, so this reporter decided to interview some local rotund slappers for their take on this contest.
Tracy Hoar claimed 'I've only slept wiv 576 blokes, so I cant get in yet, but I'm hoping to be a real contender next time the alampic fing comes up.'
Sharon Slab had put herself forward for interview, but had spied a Vauxhall nova crammed with Ben Sherman and had waddled over to them. Unfortunately, she suffered a heart attack after just 5 foot of the 7 foot trip and had to be airlifted to hospital.
Lisa Noknickers has already come through the Leeds qualifiers with flying colours, and hopes to be world champion Fat Slag in 2012, in her home nation. Her mum and dad have backed her to the hilt, she claims, and have offered to look after her 19 children, (as none of their fathers can be located) and are very proud.
This reporter, for one, is very excited about the future of British competition, and is pleased to see that after years of intensive nothingness, the British are finally excelling. C'mon you chubby slags!