Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 6 August 2007

image for Mourinho Happy To Offload Robben After Community Shield Penalty Debacle
Penalty practice 9.00am sharp!

Chelsea manager Jose Moaninho has finally given the green light to the transfer of Dutch whinger Arjen Robbing to Real Madrid or whoever else will have him, after yesterday's Community Shield debacle against Manchester United at the New Wembley Stadium.

The game ended 1-1, but United ran out 3-0 winners on penalties, with Chelsea unable to convert any of their attempts from the spot. New signing Pizarro, Frank Lamp Post, and little Shaun Wright-Phillips all failed to complete the easiest of footballing tasks, with Reds' Edwin van der Saar in fine shot-stopping form.

Now, it seems that Robbing, 'the best diver in the Premier League', has become surplus to requirements, because Chelsea can't score penalties even after the cheat has conned referees into awarding them, any Moaninho is keen to offload him..

Said the Portugeezer after the defeat:

"We played well but our penalty kicks were useless. If we can't score them, we don't need Robbing to win them. I hate that diving bastard anyway!"

Moaninho and his United counterpart Sir Alice Ferguson squared up to each other before the game, and the Scot delivered a 'Glasgow handshake', but the game passed off without any further problems.

Ferguson was ecstatic after his team's win, and said:

"Our penalties were superb. All of that pre-season diving practice with our gay lad Cristiano Ronaldo is going to have been well worth the effort!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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