Written by Heewack
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 30 July 2007

image for God to Bill Walsh: Use Single-Wing Offense or Go to Hell

HEAVEN (Heewack News Network) -- God has delivered an ultimatum to former San Francisco 49ers Coach Bill Walsh, who died on Monday: He can coach Heaven's team using a single-wing offense, or he can go straight to hell.

"I've never been a fan of the West Coast offense," said God, referring to the innovative offensive scheme developed by Walsh as a coach. "Football was meant to have a balance of passing and running--something that the West Coast offense fails to appreciate."

Walsh, 75, died Monday of leukemia. He was a longtime coach of the 49ers and led the team to three Super Bowl wins. The West Coast offense is credited with helping develop a slew of top-ranked quarterbacks, including Joe Montana and Steve Young.

God's football team, the Archangels, have won the past 109 All-Universe championships. Last season, the Archangels once again defeated Satan's team, the Gridiron Golems, by a score of 517-0.

"I'm 'old school,'" God said. "We've built our success on single-wing. We don't use 'wide receivers'--we use 'ends.' We don't use 'running backs'-- we use 'halfback,' 'fullback,' and 'flanker.' None of this newfangled play-action crap."

Walsh, who is being buried later this week, was not immediately available for comment.

Make Heewack's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 1?

7 11 10 5
91 readers are online right now!

Go to top