Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 30 July 2007

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Iraqis celebrate by blowing each other to pieces

There was at last something to celebrate in Iraq over the weekend, when the Iraqi national football team lifted the Asian Cup trophy after beating the pre-tournament favourites Saudi Arabia 1-0 in Jakarta in, what has been called, the shock of the century.

The win was even more surprising, as Iraq had never previously won a football match, and had only ever scored three goals in their entire history of playing the game. Some experts have called for an investigation amid allegations of match-fixing.

Younes Mahmoud scored the winner in what was a pulsating end-to-end battle, with endless bombardments of both teams' areas, and tempers, at times, becoming 'frayed at the edges'.

Iraqi goalkeeper Noor Sabri Abbas, who is thought to be a target for Leeds United, kept his side in the game with a string of excellent saves, and even had to deal with a grenade thrown from the crowd in stoppage time.

When the final whistle sounded, the players fell to their knees to praise their Saviour, American President George Bush, and back in Baghdad, there was celebratory gunfire and a car bomb destroyed a mosque and part of a market.

Iraqi national coach Brazilian Jorvan Vieira said:

"We were poor, but some people will cheer anything."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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