DAYTONA - The trophy that sat on the mantle in the log cabin of the Trickster was forcibly removed by NASCAR officials yesterday. Ricky, who won the race by a margin of 55 laps, was disqualified for driving the last ten laps in reverse. A pit-crew staffer claimed 'the losers' were just jealous because his victory was the greatest in history.
"I really don't need the trophy, the fans saw it for themselves, that's all that matters," said a remorseful Tricky Ricky as he was being consoled by fellow drivers Milka Duno and Danica Patrick. Although there were no specific violations committed during the event at the Daytona 500 Speedway, the impromptu panel gathered up at the request of new owner Donald Trump cited reckless endangerment of the other drivers.
Mark Martin was overheard saying that if he knew that Tricky would be in the race he wouldn't even have tried to compete. We asked Mario Andretti what he though of the race and he replied, "What impresses me the most is not that he made his race car by hand, or that he got the money to build it by saving the bottle caps from all the Heineken beer he drank, no, it's that he was able to do it with a 1972 Ford Maverick retro-fitted with a Wartsila-Sulzer motor. I didn't think it was possible to make a diesel engine go that fast."
The Earnhardt camp was quiet about the entire incident but grateful because their driver would now be declared the official winner. Without pulling any punches I asked about the criticism from the other drivers that he gave all of them 'the finger' in the last lap as they drove by. Tricky replied, "That's ridiculous. I was merely gesturing a thumbs-up showing good sportsmanship. It's just that I couldn't find my racing gloves in time for the race so I used the ones I got as a gift from Wayne Gretzky and they don't bend very good."
Ricky was offered the pole position without having to qualify for the up-coming Indy 500 race but he refused it saying, "I don't need your charity but thanks. I really rather earn my way in but after this, I don't think I'll race anymore." Tricky Ricky was the odds-on favorite to win the next race at Laguna Seca.