Gabriel Heinze has resorted to desperate measures in order to push through his "dream" move to Liverpool.
In a panicked outburst, Gabby exclusively blurted out that he has joined forces with Messrs Becks, Strachan, McGrath, Stam, Ince & Van Nistelrooy to form the Fergilicious appreciation society on Facebook.
The group are steadily attracting a membership of the world's deadliest minds with recent additions including an "unknown and mercurial Frenchman from the Emirates." Sources tell us that secret agent Johnny English has already been handed the case; to root out the mystery Arab (from the Emirates), to hijack the deal and install a puppet American tycoon instead.
There are also deafening whispers that Brian Kidd has locked his voodoo doll in the attic to join this league of angry gentlemen.
Rumours that Kevin Keegan has applied and been rejected for group membership are unsubstantiated and at present largely unfounded. (ER)