BEIJING (WTF News) - As China gears up for next summer's Olympic Games, the rest of the world braces for what might happen if it threatens to rain during Opening Ceremonies scheduled for August 8, 2008.
Enter the 'Weather Modification Program' led by top weather-modification bureaucrat, Ms. Zhang Qiang. Offering up a true superpower approach to solving the potential problem of a rain delay, the government has enlisted the help of more than 30,000 people, 7,000 anti-aircraft guns, 5,000 special rocket launchers and 30 aircraft spread throughout the country.
Beijing alone will have more than 135 farmers at-the-ready to deploy artillery loaded with silver-iodide pellets to attempt to "seed" threatening clouds. (Of special note: The Chinese government has asserted that recent training programs and licensing requirements have significantly reduced accidents. So visitors can rest easy that not just any 'Tom', 'Dick' or 'Harry' will firing be firing projectiles indiscriminately into the sky. Trust them on this one.)
Critics contend that the less radical alternative would be to simply issue rain gear (most of which is already made in China) to spectators. In an attempt to salvage its tarnished image, the government has quickly banished to Tibet anyone who vocally opposes the plan.
Meanwhile, there is a 50% chance of showers on August 8th. Though this figure could be reduced somewhat with the help of prayer vigils around the world.