Written by ranger121
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Friday, 20 July 2007

image for Bailey goes for gold - Carbon assisted, this time.

Donovan Bailey, billed as the World's fastest man, has found a way to go even faster than the 27.1mph he has been clocked at.

It has been reported that disabled athletes now have an advantage over their two legged, able bodied competitors, due to advancing technology in artificial sport limbs. The carbon fibre limbs offer greater spring than the human ankle, and relatively fit disabled athletes now compete on even terms with able-bodied ones. Oscar Pistorius, "The fastest thing on no legs" has run 100m in 10.91 seconds, which would easily qualify him to be in the same Olympic field as Bailey.

So, Donovan Bailey has decided to have both his legs amputated at the knee.

"It's a competitive thing," he said at yesterday's press announcement. "Athletes have to find ways of going quicker, stronger, higher. I can't run any faster with these old legs. So, I'm going to get me some shiney new carbon ones, see how that goes. Sure, the guys at both ends of the spectrum will be moaning. I'll be able to enter both the Olympics and the Paralympics the following week. I'm looking forward to getting Gold in both."

It appears that nobody has mentioned to Donovan that the operation is a one-way trip.

"Well, yeah. I just heard that. But in the quest for glory, you have to make sacrifices. On the bright side, though, there's something else I'll be good at - Limbo Dancing. Hey - is there a gold for that, too?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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